Tuesday, December 7, 2010

it's been a while

What have I been up to - mostly working and trying hard to survive.

big news of the day is I just wrote (and sent) my very first  letter to a political figure...
here's a copy of it.

Dear Mr President,

First off let me say I'm a great admirer of yours. I watched the election
with a great deal of excitement and hope. You've made history.

I know you've had a hard uphill battle the whole time you've been in
office. You had a gigantic mess to sort through and you were left with
precious little to clean it up with.

There was so much hope when you started now that hope is dwindling fast
because we - the people are seeing no changes.

Prices go higher each day, there are no jobs, homelessness is rising.
People aren't allowed to marry the person that they love because of
senseless bigotry, People are sick, they're dying and they're afraid
because they can't afford even the most basic healthcare.

We're seeing parties for honoring rich people, trips to other countries
and it all looks grand but we're the starving children with their noses
pressed against a sweets shop window....we're looking at it all there
pretty before us but we'll never be able to taste it. We can't afford it.
We're seeing news stories about pallet loads of $100 bills that cost
millions to print....awaiting destruction. Most of us don't even have a
$20 dollar bill in our pockets. To us the thought of billions of dollars
going up in smoke when we can't even buy gas to heat our homes with is
almost unbearably obscene.

But sir we know you can't fix everything..it's too broken. Please though
could you try to follow through with healthcare?

We're dying.
Your people - your tax payers - the people who sweat to make the money
that's being spent to travel, throw parties and burn (and their families)
are dying because we can't afford to go to doctors. Insurance is too
costly, medical fees are off the hook  and it's just getting worse. If we
are having a hard time affording fuel to heat our homes and food to put on
the table can you imagine how hard it is to pay for insurance and if you
don't have insurance you can forget getting medical care.

Paying for care as you go - also not a possible thing - we can't afford it.

I literally lay in bed last night crying from pain and fear because I
think I'm dying and I can't afford to go to a doctor. The free clinic
won't see me either .... A hospital stay would render me homeless. I
work.I bust my butt 12 to 20 hours a day doing freelance design work and I
can barely pay my rent and utilities and buy enough cheap food to get me
through each week. Life shouldn't be this hard and as hard as it is for me
it's harder for thousands of others.

I got to thinking - I'm not unique. I'm not special. If I'm in this
situation there have to be others hundreds...thousands maybe even hundreds
of thousands of other hard working Americans who are in the same shape.
Barely scraping by, sick, terrified, and at the ends of their ropes.

I'm writing on behalf of all of us.

Please Sir, we need your help. We need you to give us back our hope
because without hope there's nothing left.


Saturday, July 3, 2010

Thought for the night....

I'm not sure if this is sacrilegious or just my warped sense of humor....

"you should not fear God's love" (afterall he hasn't gotten anyone pregnant in over 2000 years).

It's not something I came up with but I read it and have been giggling ever since.
Profound or profane....you decide.

I personally think God has an excellent sense of humor (Duck Billed Platypus anyone?) and laughs quite often (on my bad days I'm fairly certain that I'm the butt of the joke as well as the punchline).

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Laughter helps


Right at the start of my round of shingles I got introduced to the funniest blog I've ever visited. (see above link).

Seriously folks.....go...read...listen. You will laugh.

as someone who has amused friends with sleep behaviors before  I'm totally tickled that there's someone out there who is hilarious in his sleep. It gives me the smiles.

oh and an update on the crud.

It's everything people claim and worse.
I can't wear anything even remotely fitted. Can't get too warm or too cold.  working is tough but I'm managing so far.
The prof suggested aspirin disolved in acetone painted over the rash and that's given me enough pain relief to be able to sleep

Thursday, June 24, 2010


Anyone out there have any home remedies for Shingles?
I feel like I've been dipped in acid the rolled in salt.

it's a whole lot of no fun.

Guess this means I need to slow down huh?

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Can't sleep

clients will eat me.

 .....and not in the happy fun way.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Wednesday Affirmation

I am not my mistakes. I can't do this alone or pretend any more. The illusion of comfort in denial or sacrifice is no longer mine. There is no shame in my suffering -- no healing in silent self-torment. It is here at the surreal crossroads of the ""soul search"" where dawning truth meets the anguish of overwhelming resistance in mind over matter that I can finally wake up, change my mind, let go of what no longer works or own my losses or choices. I am empowered by intense acknowledgment or epiphany and my virtue is gratitude or relief in recognition.

I'm slowly easing back into writing

It's been a while but I actually wrote some fiction once upon a time.
I'm beginning to ease back into things and  have started a blog  to post the storyline to.

here's the first post though

Atlanta (West End Downtown): Jan.4, 2013

Mick wandered the rooms of the house like ghost.  There were memories in every corner.  The silence was deafening. Shane’s body lay on their bed. Clean now, all the horrible wet redness scrubbed away. 

Peaceful now….




Mick ran a hand over the banister they’d spent hours restoring, sweet memories crowded in salting already  too raw wounds.

The Christmas decorations mocked and taunted.
Presents unopened beneath the tree.
Stockings still full.
The fire crackling merrily.

Everything looked so beautiful in here in the candlelight, so blessedly normal.

“Happy holidays baby” the words came out in a near croak.

Outside crows flew over the ruined city.

Every now and then there was a shot…a scream….the sound of an engine in the distance

It was a hell than Dante would have envied.

They’d seen it first hand when they ventured out  to see if there were any other survivors. 

There had been.
God help them, there had been.
Mick had heard a noise…an animal crying from inside a half pillaged bodega  and had gone inside to look for it while Shane stood watch at the door.  They’d spent enough time gaming to know that you always kept a watch.

Its funny how they had expected any other survivors to be like them, just normal frightened folks looking for traces of hope and answers.

The gang had shot Shane after only a few roughly spoken words. Shot him because of  the color of his skin, shot him because he was a nerdy looking white guy with glasses.
It had taken every ounce of control that Mick had not to scream and charge into the middle of them.

They’d left him laying in the doorway bleeding.

There was noone to call.. No police, no 911, no ER.

He’d died there in the doorway with Mick trying to stop the blood pouring out of him.

His last words had been “it’s kind of ironic when you think about it” It’d taken Mick a moment to realize that he was wearing his favorite Watchmen Tshirt over his thermals. The bullet had hit right  below the fake bullet hole on the bright yellow smiley face. 


Getting his body home had been an ordeal but leaving him hadn’t been an option that Mick could even consider.
Now he was laying peacefully in their bed.  Mick fought the urge to crawl in beside him and just stay there.

“I can’t…I can’t stay here baby…I’ll go crazy. I’m sorry”

Mick closed the door to the bedroom and went to sit by the fire and plan.

They had their gear together from the last game so packing wasn’t a huge  problem.
It was just a matter of spending the time sorting through what couldn’t be parted with.

The streets were clogged with cars or torn up by the tremors so the jeep wasn’t an option here. Bicycle made the most sense going through town. It had the benefit of being quiet. walking was a notion too. It was slow but it made it easier to hide.

Getting ready took longer than expected.

Sleep had been fitful, the face in the mirror this morning was unfamiliar, haggard all traces of softness gone.

“I’m going to head north…towards the farm. I have to get out of the city before the gangs come for me. I can’t stay here baby and I‘m sorry I can‘t bury you but the grounds too frozen” Mick talked to Shane while dressing. “ I can’t live here with you like this and I can’t just put you outside to get picked at by the gorram birds”

Well worn hiking boots, thermals sturdy cargo pants a silk turtleneck topped by a wool one, then one of Shane’s irish cable knits over that. They’d been close to the same size. His scent lingered of the thick knit a comfort and a stab in the same breath.

“I need to check and see if mom and dad are still there. See if there’s anything left. The city’s gonna start to stink as soon as the weather turns warm.”

Mick pulled Shane’s aussie duster on over the layers of warm clothing then did a quick check around the room before putting on a wide brimmed flat crowned hat.

“Christ….I look like Harry Dresden. Shame there’s not going to be a Dragon Con this year…this would make one helluva hall costume”

Mick shouldered the camping pack and settled the straps then picked up the staff by the door.

The sun was beginning to come up…all the bangers would be crawling back into their holes to sleep off the nights fun.

“Time for me to go, baby. ”

Mick paused at the door for one last look around then tipped a candle over into the trail of turpentine that started next to the couch and wound throughout the house then closed the dooras the curtains and couch began to burn. The street was silent in the weak winter morning light. Mick resettled the back pack and with a lift of the chin turned and determinedly strode down the street headed north towards I-85 and what had once been home.

heres the url for the new blog if you want to read more of the adventure
The long road home 
please let me know what you think. 

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Affirmation Saturday

my power today lies in change. I am quick, sharp, and ready for assertive, revolutionary or affirmative action. I overcome obstacles or resolve conflict by getting right to the point, cutting to the chase or confronting challenges head on -- even if this means going against the grain. My communication, style or expectation is on the cutting edge and relies on reason or facts. It is my honor to protect and defend my perception of truth. I measure twice and cut once. I am empowered by expectation or duty and my virtue is commitment to the greater good."

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Dear Santa.......

Oh......I .....want one!

Best Toy Ever!

and I swear Santa..if you bring me one I will be very good forever after.......unless of course you would prefer that I be BAD.

For one of those I could be so very very bad! you have NO idea.

I am amused...

I got this from a potential client this morning.

Hi Miss Behavin,

Thanks for bidding on my project. Can you send me or link to a couple of samples of your work? I have been on TM's site (I didn't realize you were with them) but I gather that is a collection of artists.

-- Author of book who needs a cover artist.


I'm a collection....who knew?
but.........this means the website is actually getting traffic. WOOT!

To sleep ...perchance to remain pleasantly dreamless

Okay so I'm butchering the bard. It's been done worse.
Long week this week. long weekend ahead.

Today was a very very strange day. Finished up the mondo catalog.
talked to The Brit twice - got stern orders to sleep at least 5 hours a night for the next  few nights and was made promise I'd follow orders. so as soon as my uploads are done I'm heading to bed with a book. It's funny after all this time he still frets and bosses.

Got a couple of nice client notes and projects in the hopper. Next week looks like it's going to be crazy busy - which is fine. Work is something I excell at.

Didn't get a chance to touch base with The Professor and see how he was doing. The second and third days after surgery are usually the toughest. I'll have to check in on him tomorrow. Late last night he was widgeting up bracelet designs - very pretty. I think he's bored with the lack of activity he's had to endure lately.
If anyone has some good movie/tvshow/book/music suggestions for a one armed geek/metal worker please post em..he reads the blog.

Got plans in the works for doing a house filk/ceallaigh the second saturday in july.  Should be fun.Cross all of your crossables that the next couple of months will go well.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The War Of The West End

I live in a real neighborhood...a bit heavy on the hood at times but people are definitely neighbors here.

We sit on our front porches and talk to one another when the evenings are nice.

One young fellow who's just moved in has made it his mission to mow every lawn on the street...these are big southern yards and he mows them for gas money.

Almost all of us have planted some kind of veggie garden. We lean on the fences and ask about the kids etc.

I like it here it's a very culturally diverse neighborhood.
We have our lesbian couple, the elderly lady who used to teach piano, the nice extended Jamaican family,
the single mom with two teens who're bright, kind spirited souls with great futures - they're going to change the world. A number of young couples with kids and single folks  - most everyone is hardworking and honest. Everyone waves or says hello when they see you out and around.

A bit over two months ago a new neighbor moved in ....you'll remember them from  my Happy Frickin Easter post. After two weeks of polite requests from the neighborhood to please quiet down after two AM things got notched up - the police were out just about every night.
They'd quiet down while the cops were here then crank up louder than ever once they'd left.

We were beginning to look like the living dead as we shuffled around our lawns and went about our daily business.

Porch meetings began to happen. It was war. There was talk of gas cans and matches from the young mother with the newborn but that was just her hormones talking. The police weren't having any affect. So we decided to fight back in our own way.

When they partied til dawn... an hour or so after their guests had dragged home the neighborhood struck back.

Lawns were mowed...all manner of weedwhacker and noise maker was used outside. Lots of hammering happened. The Jamaicans know some steel drum players....they really felt the sudden urge to come over and  practice al-freso (they rocked!). The neighborhood was introduced to Bach, 7 Nations, Alexander James Adams  and Hayseed Dixie (and they didn't lynch me),
The formerly quiet conversations had to be shouted because evidently we're all going a mite hard of hearing....
 Funny how sleep deprivation causes hearing loss even when you're less than a foot away from the other person.

Garbage cans were banged.... a couple of folks actually went out and bought big old fashioned metal cans for just that purpose.

The Elijah Baptist gospel choir came out and practiced  on their choir directors front lawn with very pointed gusto.

We cooked out (hey if you've spent a hard night smokin and partying the aroma of good food might just pry your eyes back open)... and we didn't invite them to share.

We sugared the kids up and turned them loose with water balloons and noisy toys.

The partiers...looking much like zombies packed up various SUVs and a moving van the other day.
Evidently the frantic daytime pace was just too much for their nerves.

Viva La Revolution!

All work and no play...makes Jack a dull boy.....

and it turns Jill in to a real bitch too.

Normally I give good advice and try to slant it towards the side of kindness but not so much right now.

A wee sample cut from a conversation.

" I can't believe she even suggested such a thing would be possible..obviously she doesnt know you very well which is a damned shame"

"She thinks I'm a terrible Dad"

"Oh....Real-ly? that's B.S..... You're not, you're a very good father. Next time you take the kids back to the Twunt, stop and buy em both a can of redbull and a big bag of candy for the ride home"

Person who I gave that advice to..please ignore it. Never ever ever use the children to punish your ex it's just wrong.
The kids should be loved not treated like game pieces.

No cookie for me for even suggesting such a thing (even though it did make you laugh).

Soul weary.

There's a painting in the phrase some where, just scratching to get out.

I'm up pulling another all-nighter.  I'm doing that hamster on a wheel thing again..running full out.

You'd think someone who works as much as I do would have a much more lavish life but nope....I'm pretty basic.

Tons of food for thought the past few weeks not much of it worth sharing.

Right now I'm procrastinating. I just needed to stop with the work for a little bit and do something different. so I'm writing.

Talked to The Brit a couple of times this week. He's working on getting his balance back after setting up house. It's a huge adjustment  but honestly he sounds more like his self now than he did when he popped back up into my life. He doesn't sound as beaten. ...still a bit bruised but not beaten down any more. I'm cheering for him. My heart used to ache every time we talked because he didn't have his dreams. He always sounded so very lost... Now he's ....slowly coming back and is kind of amazed by how people are noticing the return of the person that he used to be.

Been talking to Cameron a bit too. I'm VERY proud of him and Grace for hanging in there through some tough times.  There's more ahead it's a long damned road but worth the journey. We talked earlier tonight about his plans for a GBLT themed show - bouncing painting concepts around. it's going to be gut wrenching and powerful. Some of the imagery made me cringe and choke up. sure sign of good art..it moves you to reaction.

Can't wait to see it.

I'll probably cry but still it's going to be amazing.

I've been nattering back and forth with a new friend over the past week or so. He's converting an RV into a steampunk "airship" ...how cool is that? It's been fun getting my steampunk -geek on.  The talks over the upholstery and such spawned a couple of painting and story notions So Thanks ...hmmm what shall I call him... Ah...The Professor. That works.

I'm not in the best head space at the moment. The past couple of months have been very wearing. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels lifewise...I run full bore about 20 hours a day and never seem to go anywhere. I'm not really sure what else I should do. Prayer happens. God and I have a lot of talks..well..I whine..he listens.
 I'm just not where I want to be and I'm not sure how to get there from here.

There are times when it seems like my wants and needs are just too...complicated but when I write them down they seem so very simple almost pathetic really

1- to love and be loved in return. - I've got that...I'm loved by my friends. and I love them back but it's just not enough. Which makes me feel ungrateful and greedy. I also spend a lot of time wondering why? Am I not lovable? what if I'm not? am I really *that* grotesque?...what if I am? Can I fix me? is it too late?

2- to have a family of my own- that's not going to happen. I mean..not in the way that I would have liked it to. I have a family...just not the kind I wanted. I wanted the whole kids and a home thing.  The only time I really ever get angry at the Ex is when I think about what staying with him cost me. It cost me the chance to have a family of my own.  I left him over 10 years ago...so there was some time...but I feel like kids need two parents and I did get pregnant early in that time..but miscarried. I still feel that loss and emptiness so sharply that some days it's like it just happened. There are times when it makes my move here to the big peach feel like an epic fail. All of my friends here have children.  I'm surrounded. I make a great "Aunt MissBehavin"  but there are times when I have to get away from them. I feel myself becoming a hermit between that and the cane going out is becoming increasingly more painful for me. It's much easier to stay in and work.

3 - to be financially secure. Last month was horrible. It left me wondering if I was going to end up designing from a box under a bridge. things are slowly picking up again but ...damn it's like a every time I claw my way up I  find out that the hole just keeps going.  I'm tired.

Speaking of work...time to get back to it my wheel is waiting...

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I got a round Tuit

I finally got off my lazy butt this weekend and did something that's needed doing for some time.
I put together a website for my work so I can refer people to it without having to flood them with files when they ask to see samples of my work. It reminded me again of how much I LOATHE doing website design by template and helped bolster my resolve to learn things like HTML, Java and Flash.
Check it out...it doesn't utterly suck.

I also did a flyer for the Browncoat Ball - here it is..print out copies and post em up in your local game and bookstores or other suspected Browncoat watering holes. Xei Xei Ni.

Also decided to kind of go Union....

Proud Member of the Professional Freelancers' Network

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Thursday Affirmation

My power today lies in change. I am quick, sharp, and ready for assertive, revolutionary or affirmative action. I overcome obstacles or resolve conflict by getting right to the point, cutting to the chase or confronting challenges head on -- even if this means going against the grain. My communication, style or expectation is on the cutting edge and relies on reason, design, the latest craze or facts. It is my honor to protect and defend my perception of truth. I measure twice and cut once. I am empowered by expectation or duty and my virtue is commitment to the greater good.

Part of my affirmative action this week has been revamping my portfolio here's a peek so far.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


Got no affirmations today..only bleh. Business has been pretty craptastic this month so I'm having a hard time refinding my positive.

Paying clients have been sparse - notice I didn't say clients......got them..just been royally stiffed by several for the first time so my milk of human kindness is all curdled up at the moment.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Monday Affirmation - because it was a hectic weekend and I was slack

My power today lies in opportunity. I lay it on the line, take a chance, and look for signs of positive encouragement. I am open to new worlds and am actively patient in expanding my connections, increasing my standing, without just waiting for my ""ship to come in."   If I can't get to the party, I will bring the party to me. I am empowered by a sense of responsibility and a readiness to believe and receive and I transform through creative resourcefulness."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Affirmation Saturday

I have everything I need to co-create my own reality. I have value and I matter. I am empowered to nurture and tend to my own garden of purpose. I bring new life into the world.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Have a happy period.......


I have deadlines to meet....clients who have no clue what they want they just know that what I've done 4 times precisely by their specs is not it... my head hurts, I'm bloated, my back aches, my hormones are playing annagaddadavida and I'm cramping..........and now I'm getting orders from my maxi pads to be ....HAPPY

Dear Always Plus...you want me to have a happy period? okay... shiny....you just strap me a bar of godiva, a mini bottle of firefly vodka and a couple of valium on to one of your cute lil aerodynamic pads and I'll be glad to be just as happy as a frickin' lil lark! Until you do that...back the hell off!I'll have whatever kind of period I wanna have.

You know that a man had to come up with that particular bit of marketing BS or one of those Stepford women did it.

You want to know what would make my period really happy? A bazooka!......

it's either that or world peace and quiet....always ask for world peace and quiet.

Hey if you're gonna go for world peace go all the way and go for world peace and quiet.
You're just as likely to get it.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


So...we need some big poster displays for a show my client says.

Okay says I...picturing your basic tradeshow type venue or convention dealer room.

The show went great says the client - everyone loved your work says the client. Here's the link says the client take a look at how they turned out!

Where my designs have been without me.....


Affirmation Saturday

my power today lies in conscience.
I own responsibility for the baggage I have chosen to carry.

I am empowered by blind faith in fulfilling my purpose or greater good to "just do it," and I transform through passion or direction in principle.

Hurtin Songs...

I've been reading She Who Seeks blog
and have thoroughly enjoyed her "Hurtin songs"

I got to thinking and I have serveral too.

Not going to bore folks with the details but here are my top three

Number 3

Number 2

and Number 1


and because every thing has an opposite...

my top three happy songs.

Number 3...
yeah...I know..it's a Disney song....sue me lol

Number 2

it always makes me smile.

Number 1

Things I always sing along with......

There's more but this is more than enough.


are like assholes....everyone has one...and some of them are downright stinky.


There are times when my love of Free Speech annoys me.
Yeah I know that's a hell of a thing to say but really in order to have free speech for some you have to have it for all and that means hearing things you really don't want to hear....frequently from people you don't want to hear them from.

It's bad enough having to sit by and let hate spew out of the mouths of idiots but when it dribbles off the lips of friends it's down right disgusting.

But..... I support their right to have an opinion....and to speak up about it...even when it's wrong.
even when I find it reprehensible

oy what a pain in the ass that is.....to have to allow hate literature in order to have poetry...to allow horrid porn in order to have art....to let people rant on about (I'm about to use some offensive terms - theirs..not mine) " niggers"," faggots", "witches",  "Bitches"etc etc etc ...in order to be able to stand up and speak out about the things I hold right - Freedom of expression, equal rights for all, freedom to love who you will, freedom to worship as you will, and not be persecuted because of it.

in order for me to express my beliefs I have to be willing to let them express theirs.............and not pick up a 2x4 and smack them over their heads with it.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can't change
the courage to change what I can
the wisdom to know the difference
and the patience not to beat the hell out of those who annoy me.


Friday, April 16, 2010

Thank You Mr.President.

It was really nice to get up and read some positive news for a change. I think we just made a huge leap forward in acceptance.

The President has just decreed that same sex couples have some of the same rights that hetero couples have had for years....they don't have the right to marry yet..but they now have the right to be there when their loved one is ill...to make hard medical decisions...... to sit by a dying mate in the restricted areas of the hospital.  They're finally being acknowledged as next of kin.

If the man does nothing else ...he's just paid me back for my vote.

Go forth and google...history has just been made.

Its a beautiful day.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Naked Atlanta...

Let me just start out by saying that I live in a very URBAN area.
Very urban.... you can see the dome of the Georgia capitol building from the upstairs balcony.  It's also a very ethnically diverse area where I ...with my terribly white self am a glowing minority.

That being said I was taking a break from work the other day and when out onto the front porch to enjoy some tea, sunshine and a good book.

"The Kitchen House" (okay it's a mediocre book but I was just starting it at the time so I had high hopes)

I'm sitting there on the couch sipping my tea, listening to the neighbor cuss his lawn and reading. Thoroughly enjoying the very prosaic peaceful moment when I began to hear the very distinctive Clop CLOP Clop CLOP of shod hooves.
I looked at the book...and frowned..it wasn't good enough to transport me into auditory fantasy land.
I've had books vivid enough to make me see smell and hear every nuance.... This was an okay little book but nothing shattering.

The neighbor had stopped too and was looking around....

sure enough...right down the middle of the street came an absolutely gorgeous appaloosa being ridden by a guy wearing nothing but a braves baseball cap, tube socks and shoes.
White guy...
and obviously glad to be out enjoying the sunshine....and obviously not European.

Did I mention that I live in downtown Atlanta?
In the hood?
there are no stables in the hood....

Obviously he was lost because I live on a dead end street and he got to the end of it looked around determined that there wasn't a crossroad...wheeled Seabiscuit back around rather expertly and clip clopped back the way he'd come with a nod to me and the neighbor.

The neighbor leaned on the fence and said " Miss Behavin' ....You know him?"
and I said " no....Neighbor...just because he's a white guy doesn't mean that I know him"
"He's not a friend of yours?"

"Don't take this wrong Miss Behavin...but white folks is weird"

"I ...can't deny that"

I have no clue who he was or how he made it from point A to point wherever without being arrested or why he wasn't plastered all over the news in all his glory but I'd like to thank the lone horseman of the hood for making my day a bit more surreal.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Affirmation because I need it today.

My power today lies in patronage or charity. It's the least I can do to help those less fortunate. Help will arrive when I am ready to accept it. It's my civic duty. It's not a hand out, it's a hand up. Give credit where credit is due. I am worth the investment or he/she is entitled to my assistance. 'Beggars can't be choosers,' but you can't keep a good one down. I am empowered by gratitude and my asset is obligation."

Monday, April 5, 2010

Words of wisdom

The only thing more fragile than a woman's heart is a man's ego.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Frickin Easter!

The picture suits my very frazzled state of being right now. My milk of human kindness has turned sour and my Scottish nature has just declared war on my neighbors.

I live in downtown Atlanta...in the West End. It's an area that is in the process of being reclaimed from the junkies and gangs. It is indeed the Ghetto but the houses are really cool and most of the neighbors are nice. It's the sort of place where when it rains on garbage day one of the neighbors (I have no clue which one) brings my trashcan back up to the porch for me. Nice hard working folks.

We've had a recent move in though. I had high hopes when they bought this wonderful old craftsman bungalow across the street and started renovations. I was like YAY another person not afraid to come in here an work to bring things back. Huzzah!

But...... and there's always a but...
Just about every night since they moved in 3 weeks ago they've had a party. A big loud one that gets cranked up about midnight and goes on until daylight. We're talking enough traffic to block the street, loud engines, louder stereos and people fighting out on the sidewalk.
...in addition to the loud music pouring out of the house - the doors and windows wide open black light on.

The neighbors have gone over there (one of them has an almost new born and she's ready to KILL). I've gone over there - 5 am walked right on in the open front door in my bathrobe and fuzzy slippers and had a little come to Jesus meeting with them . Up until last night we were being nice about it and trying to handle things like grown ups. And to be fair after my bathrobe chat they had been being quiet starting  at 2am like I asked them to. Last night...the hoopty ghetto blasting jackassery was back in full force.

About 5 am I gave it the hell up and did something I hate doing unless there's blood being shed....I called the cops.

The conversation went like this.

Me "Hi, I live at ******* and I'd like to call to report -
Operator "the drag racing? You're the fourth call we've gotten"

Me (half awake and stupid tired) " Huh? I have no idea how they're dressed....they're just being loud and I really want to sleep"

Long pause

"M'aam? have you been drinking?"

"No ..but if I had any booze in the house I'd probably start"

"What kind of CARS are they driving?"

"OH! THAT kind of drag racing - sorry...wrong cultural reference. I have no idea I'm laying in bed trying to sleep and I'm not going to get up and go look. They're just being loud. They're going to wake the dead and start the zombie apocalypse"

"Was that supposed to be funny?"

"No....I'm utterly serious."

"We're already sending someone out."

"Thank you SO much"

Dispatch has zero sense of humor.

and I've pretty much lost mine now too. It's war. They want music...I'll give em music....in the daytime... loud and proud. Scottish pipes, filk songs, BACH ! Drummers! Gregorian Chants! and Maybe even Alvin and the Chipmunks!

I have a friend who's a 6ft5 muscle bound special forces type who's volunteered to come pipe for me...full kilt...worn regimentally.

(mine is an evil laugh)

Thursday, April 1, 2010

What's my sign...

Okay I'm so stupid tired today that I'm procrastinating. I do that by looking up odd things on the net.

todays oddity would be things like my Vedic moon sign

You are born in Vedic Moon Sign

LeoAccording to Vedic Astrology Classic:
You will have a broad face, will move fearlessly and as balanced as a lion, be physically fit and have beautiful and expressive eyes. The Lord of Leo is the Sun, known as the king of the planetary cycle, so you will have kingly qualities, be cultured, frank and open-hearted and liberal and honest. You will be liberal and large hearted. You will possess qualities of leadership and organization. You will be ambitious and will be desirous of achieving your goal. You will be independent but not impertinent. When you are enraged, you may be aggressive but will have the amazing quality of forgiving and forgetting. You will be fearless, bold, principled and unused of being ordered by others. You will complete your work with dedication but occasionally you may be lethargic and lazy. You may suddenly leave all work and sit down. You will try to live happily in all circumstances. You will be religious, charitable, egoistic and self-respective. You will have drawbacks like arrogance, being fond of flattering, self-praise, a tendency to impress others, self-exposure and partiality in behaviour.

Today's forecast...

According to astrological principles of Vedic Astrology:

You are born in Vedic Moon Sign
Horoscope for Thursday 1st April 2010   Powered by Indastro.com :
Positive day with aggressive approach giving better returns. Good day to plan marketing activities and PR initiatives. Favorable day for romance and meeting new people.
Plan your day:
1. Business deals Favourable day throughout for all kinds of business deals.
2. Love & relationships Positive day. New friendships made today could be long term.
3. Money transactions (Loans/Investments) Very favourable throughout for money transactions and investments.
4. Speculation in stocks & shares Positive day. Good for long term investments. Not so much for speculation.
5. Important letters or email communication Favorable day. You should avoid correspondence, which is likely to get replies tomorrow, though.
6. Journey Favourable day throughout.
7. Purchase of new house/ car Positive day.
8. Moving into new house Ordinary day good for moving into rented or old houses.
9. Gambling Favorable day. There will be gains if commenced today. (subject to strength of birth chart).
10. Start new medicine /surgery Very favourable throughout.
11. Initiating legal proceedings/notices Good for recovery cases as well as money related matters.
12. Offensive action involving violence or aggression. Not favourable for offensive action throughout.
13. Construction/ Building activity Good for all kinds of related activities
14. Educational activity /admissions Very favourable throughout.
15. Commence religious ceremonies Good Day throughout.

hmmm... interesting.... Somebody buy me a lottery ticket..I'm too busy to go out lol. I'll share!

my' normal' sign is Sagittarius.

Sagittarius About Your Sign...

Sagittarians have a positive outlook on life, are full of enterprise, energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness to extend experience beyond the physically familiar. They enjoy travelling and exploration, the more so because their minds are constantly open to new dimensions of thought. They are basically ambitious and optimistic, and continue to be so even when their hopes are dashed. Their strongly idealistic natures can also suffer many disappointments without being affected. They are honorable, honest, trustworthy, truthful, generous and sincere, with a passion for justice. They are usually on the side of the underdog in society they will fight for any cause they believe to be just, and are prepared to be rebellious. They balance loyalty with independence.
Sagittarians are usually modest and are often religious, with a strong sense of morality, though they tend to overemphasize the ethical codes they follow and worship beliefs about God rather than God Himself. This means that, negatively, they regard rigid, unloving, intolerant adherence to ritual and conventional codes as more important than the truths they symbolize or embody. They sometimes pay lip service to religions and political parties in which they have ceased to believe because the outward forms satisfy them, yet they may not hesitate to switch allegiance in politics or change their system of belief if they see personal advantage to themselves in doing so.
They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgement, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand conceptions that are new to them. they think rapidly, are intuitive and often original, but are better at adapting than inventing and are at their best when working with colleagues of other types of character that compliment their own. They are strong-willed and good at organizing, a combination that gives them the ability to bring any project they undertake to a successful conclusion. Their generosity can be balanced by their extreme care at handling their resources.
Sagittarians are ardent, sincere and straightforward in love, normally conventional and in control of their sexual natures. Yet if thwarted, they may easily allow their failure to embitter their whole lives or they may revenge themselves upon the opposite sex by becoming cynically promiscuous. They are more apt then the average to make an uncongenial alliance.
If their marriages are successful, they will be faithful spouses and indulgent parents; but their innate restlessness will inspire them to use even the most satisfying ménage as a base from which to set out on their travels. They need to fell free and are often faced with the choice of allowing their careers to take over their lives at the expense of the love of their spouse and family. Sagittarian women are the counterparts of their men; even if they have no career to rival their love, they find it difficult to express affection and may run the risk of being thought frigid.
In other personal relationships they are reliable, seldom betraying any trust given to them. They can, however, be impulsively angry and both male and female Sagittarians know how to be outspoken and exactly what expressions will hurt their adversaries most. On the other hand they are magnanimous in forgiving offenses and are responsible when looking after the elderly in the family.
Their gifts fit Sagittarians for a number of widely differing professions. They are natural teachers and philosophers with a talent for expounding the moral principles and laws which seem to explain the universe. This gift enables them to be successful churchmen on the one hand and scientists on the other. The law and politics also suit them, as does public service, social administration, public relations and advertising. Travel and exploration naturally appeal to such restless souls and, if their opportunities are limited, they may find something of travel and change of scene in the armed forces or through working as a travelling salesman. Others may make fine musicians and, in the days before automobiles, they were said to be successful at horse trading and all activities, including sporting ones, concerning horses. This has been translated in modern terms into an interest in cars and aircraft - and again with emphasis on the sporting side racing, rallying etc. They are said to make good sports coaches, but their tastes in this direction may lead them into imprudent gambling, though the gambling instinct may be sublimated by carrying it out professionally as a bookmaker.
The vices to which Sagittarians are prone are anger they tend to flare up over trifles; impatience - they want to rush every new project through immediately and demand too much of colleagues who cannot work at the pace they require; and scorn of the inadequacies of others while expecting fulsome recognition of their own efforts. They may in one sense deserve recognition, because in completing a major project they will sacrifice their health and family relationships; in their family's eyes they may merit condemnation.
They can be exacting, domineering and inconsiderate in the work place; and boastful, vulgar and extravagant in their private lives. Their restlessness, if excessive, can jeopardize more than their own stability. some Sagittarians risk becoming playboys, wasting their lives away in frivolous pursuits. Others can develop a moralizing, religious fanaticism or else turn into hypocrites, their inner prudishness disguised by an outward appearance of joviality. Another side of the religiosity which is a danger in Sagittarians is superstition.
Possible Health Concerns...
Sagittarius governs the hips, thighs and sacral area; subjects suffer from ailments of the hips and thighs and are liable to sciatica and rheumatism. An alleged deficiency of silicon in their physiques can give them poor skin, nails and hair.
As they are often sportsmen indulging in dangerous pursuits, they are prone to accidents which arise from these. The ancient astrologers mention falls from horses and hurts from them and other four-footed beasts. The taking of risks in other sports is a danger to the modern Sagittarian, and he is also liable to accidents with fire and heat.

  • Traveling
  • getting to the heart of the matter
  • Freedom
  • Laws and meanings
  • the general 'feel' of things
  • Off the wall theories
  • being tied down domestically
  • Being constrained
  • cooling your heels
  • bothered with details

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Affirmation Saturday

My power today lies in passion. Pursuing and expressing my hearts desire honors my love, passion, and beauty and is worth waiting, courting or crusading for. What I lack in external means, qualification or ability, I make up for with a true and dedicated heart. I am not a victim therefore I do not need to be rescued. I am empowered by patience or self-worth and my gift is emotional availability and devotion."

Friday, March 26, 2010

My very first Award!

Several days ago, Debra over at She who seeks gave me this beautiful Sunshine Award! Thank you,Debra I always thought of myself as more rainy days and bs than sunshine but I guess all of it makes the flowers grow.

Here are the rules:

1. Place the award on your blog or within your post.
2. Pass the award on to 12 Sunny Bloggers -- those whose positivity and creativity inspire others!
3. Link to the nominees in your post.
4. Tell the nominees they've received the award by commenting on their blogs.
5. Share the love and link to the person from whom you received the award.

I would like to nominate the following bloggers -- I love to bask in the sunshine of their fun, creative and frequently thought-provoking blogs! Please, check them out if they are new to you!

DiPaola Momma at  Chicken Nuggets of Wisdom
Jogger over at Jog hard the photos make me smile
Frederique at Mon Coeur en Flandre   Merci beaucoup. Vous avez un beau blog. Il me fait le sourire.
Granny over at Yellowdog Granny
Most of my other choices are private blogs (so sorry all)

Words to live by.

Dalai Lama If we have a positive mental attitude, then even when surrounded by hostility, we shall not lack inner peace. On the other hand, if our mental attitude is more negative, influenced by fear, suspicion, helplessness, or self-loathing, then even when surrounded by our best friends, in a nice atmosphere and comfortable surroundings, we shall not be happy.


Dalai Lama Right from the moment of our birth, we are under the care and kindness of our parents, and then later on in our life when we are oppressed by sickness and become old, we are again dependent on the kindness of others. Since at the beginning and end of our lives we are so dependent on other's kindness, how can it be in ...the middle that we would neglect kindness towards others?


Saturday, March 20, 2010

Saturday saying -not quite an affirmation

but it hit me just right....

Don't outsmart your common sense.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Affirmation Saturday

All my relationships are loving and harmonious
I am at peace
I trust in the process of life

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Profound thoughts at 2:30 AM

Death says,
Live; I am coming ...

Life says,
Live; I am here
I stumbled across those words tonight.... Live seems to be the common theme for the day.
Why the hell am I still wide awake?
No clue I'm just reluctant to face the vast emptiness of night and sleep.
I think I'm afraid of dreaming....which is a very odd thing for a dreamer to feel.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I looked up the lyrics...

You remind me I live in a shell,
Safe from the past,
and doing' okay,
but not very well.
No jolts, no surprises,
No crisis arises:
My life goes along as it should,
it's all very nice,
but not very good.
And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again,
Ready to put my love on the line with you.
Been living with nothing to show for it;
You get what you get when you go for it,
And I'm Ready To Take Chance Again with you.
When she left me in all my despair,
I just held on,
My hopes were all gone.
Then I found you there.
And I'm Ready To Take A Chance Again
Ready To Take A Chance Again with you,
With you. 

Interesting lyrics....but I'm not sure they make much sense in my life at the moment. Then again maybe I'm too close to my life and can only see the dots of color rather than the actual picture.

Any thoughts gentle readers?

If it's a message from my subconscious or the verse.....why the hell Manilow?

Why am I possessed by a song I haven't heard in years?

I woke up this morning with a song just eating my head and I really can't figure it out.
I had no idea I even knew the lyrics to this song....I mean my god it's a Barry Manilow song (Cameron stop laughing) Manilow and I are a bit oil and waterish. Just give my songs here a listen and you'll get an idea of what my tastes are like but here I am with this song just STUCK in my head.

which song?

"Ready to take a chance"

Not even one of his big obnoxious ones...just a little obnoxious one...

Either the universe is sending me a message or I'm having some sort of pre-senility brain misfire

Every now and then some of the odd bits of knowledge break loose and float up to the surface and frequently it's songs I'm pretty used to that ...but....Manilow?

How did I learn the lyrics and tune to a Manilow song?

I always scream and change the station at the first note...but here it is..in it's entire syrup coated glory in my head....on automatic repeat - full orchestra

What the hell?

It makes the day a bit more surreal.

Monday, March 8, 2010


And this is because I couldn't resist doing a design for the fun of it....

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Sunday affirmation...because I missed Saturday...

When I believe in myself, so do others
I express my needs and feelings
I am my own unique self - special, creative and wonderful

I almost forgot..... Namaste bitches...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

I'm tired of four things

Working insanely long hours for little return.....snow...borderline poverty... and stupid people.
and I seem to have a surplus of all of that.

There has to be a lesson here somewhere but I'm just not getting it.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Affirmation Saturday

I love others no matter how they act,
or what their faults are.
Even if I don't want to be around their personality,
I love them as the eternal being that they truly are.
I overlook the shortcomings of others.
I have no judgment.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

What I did with my weekend...aka my god I'm such a fan girl

it's not enough that I spend most of my life working on designs for ads, logos and packaging ...come the time off I spent it playing with teeshirt logo designs for a charity that my favorite fandom raises lots of cashy money for each year.

Can't Stop The Serenity http://www.cantstoptheserenity.com/ - all the proceeds go to
Equality Now.  http://www.equalitynow.org/
Equality Now works to end violence and discrimination against women and girls around the world through the mobilization of public pressure.

And a potential poster based off this design

And not quite satisfied with just geeking these two tidbits with my friend and fellow artist MissDemenor I did this one as a possible tee shirt design for the upcoming Browncoat Ball

Yeah...I am Geek...listen to me bleep.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Snow's a time machine....or why I'm probably going to hell today..

It snowed last night...about 4 to 6 inches which for Atlanta is quite substantial (Hey I live in the south).  This morning I was taking out the trash and the neighborhood urchins were out in force. One of them had actually moved my trashcan up onto the front porch and put it right next to my door. they're good kids.

"Miz Behavin...Miz Behavin...you gonna come play with us?" I declined a couple of times...then their Granny who's about 70 hollered at them " Hush up now! Miz Behavin's got too much dignity to be messin with you fools"

Lord help me..I have no memory of making that first snowball......but it hit her dead center of the chest.
She stood there shocked for a second then she said " Oh no White Girl...I know you D'int".......
so I hit her again.....
and it was on.

That old lady has one hell of a throwing arm.
Too much dignity...what an awful thing to say about a neighbor!

How is snow a time machine? well for about 15 minutes both of us were about 10 years old...tops.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Affirmation Saturday

Women are Angels
And when someone breaks our wings....
we simply continue to fly.........
on a broomstick...

We are flexible.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

My horror-scope is mocking me

 Trust me, I spelled it in a suitable fashion....

You're feeling a bit moody today, but not in a way that should impact your friends and family too much. It's a good time to reflect on the weirder aspects of your life and see what comes next.

One begs to ask....weirder than what?

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Wednesday Affirmation

My emotions are valid. I am beautiful and I deserve to pursue, share, and express unconditional love, pleasure, and happiness. I bring new love into the world. I am empowered by love and my gift is beauty in truth."

Monday, February 8, 2010

Monday Blues

Yup I got em...

So I'm giving them a soundtrack...

You have to love good blues music sung by a very soulful female who you just know by the sound of her voice that she feels her song.

Of course Nina Simone makes being blue sound almost happy....then again she could sing the phonebook and make it sound good.

You find the blues in unusual places

I guess somethings are universal, I mean really for a scrawny middleaged white Brit you have to admit that Clapton does it pretty well too

Sometimes.....you don't even need words to wail the blues...

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Affirmation Saturday

Every Cell in my body vibrates with energy and health.
Loving myself heals my life.
I nourish my mind, body and soul.
I prosper wherever I turn and I know that I deserve prosperity of all kinds.
The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful.
I know that I deserve Love and accept it now.
I attract only healthy relationships. 
I am the perfect weight for me and will be the perfect weight for me no matter what weight I am.
I choose to make positive healthy choices for myself .
When I believe in myself, so do others.
I will express my needs and feelings.
I am my own unique self - special, creative and wonderful.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Recipe Thursday - Mango Chicken and Tomato Avocado Salad

Mango Chicken Recipe

  1. In a small dish stir together spices.
  2. Sprinkle both sides of chicken breasts with spice mixture.
  3. Heat margarine in a large nonstick frypan over medium high heat.
  4. Add chicken breasts and cook, turning occasionally, until both sides are deep golden brown and chicken is no longer pink inside, about 10 to 15 minutes.
  5. Add mango and green onions.
  6. Cook, stirring, just until heated through, about 1 minute.
  7. Remove from heat.
  8. Sprinkle with salt, coriander and squeeze lime over.
  9. Serve immediately.
Tomato Avocado Salad
3 avocados - cubed.
6 Roma tomatos - sliced
a small bag of baby spinach
a bag of Sargento Italian or Parmesan cheese.(use as much as you like - if you can get Asiago use slivers of that)
4 cloves of chopped garlic (about a tablespoon full of pre-done jar garlic)
A nice drizzle of olive oil
Coarse ground sea salt to taste
Ground pepper - to taste.
Toss all together  chill  for about an hour then serve.

My poor art therapist is going to need therapy...

She really is going to need some time on someone's couch...and maybe some nice soothing valium and a cozy wrap around sweater with extra long arms.

"you're using an awful lot of black in your painting...I mean most of it is black" (one of the other folks in the studio)
"it's the void that my life is...I have nothing" (said by Soccer mom -  with her lexus, diamond tennis bracelets and razor cut hair - to a skinny kid with almost worn out jeans and sneakers and no coat)
and just when I was about to feel sorry for her ( I mean hey...material things really aren't everything - maybe she's lacking in love an friendship) she adds " My husband won't let me remodel the kitchen because we did it year before last"

Well there went most of my pity...

I couldn't help myself ...I had to ask

"So...the black represents your despair over not being able to remodel......again?"

"Yes" deep sigh and a little sniffle

*blink blink blink* Okay...so maybe she's Martha Stewart and her kitchen is her version of art supplies and software.....

"Do you cook a lot?"

"oh I hate cooking we order out when the au pair isn't in.....but I really want us to have a Green kitchen...eveyone's going green"

I had to wash the cobalt blue paint off of my forehead where my hand automatically went...glasses and hair too.

*blink blink blink*

"You do know that...all of the two year old things that you have in your kitchen right now would most likely go to a rubbish heap..... or some such...thus creating more environmental issues?"

"Oh well...we could give those things to someone less fortunate."

God help me I now have visions of her packing up her Viking range and sub zero fridge and shipping 'em off to Haiti...