Friday, August 28, 2009
An instructor mine once defined insanity as repeating the same act over and over again ......but expecting different results.
I must acknowledge his rightness and add my own take.
Insanity is repeating the same actions over and over again....despite KNOWING what the results are going to be.
Anybody got a nice hug-myself jacket I can borrow?
Monday, August 10, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
I've noticed a bad trend over the past 10 years or so...June, July, August and September have pretty much turned into a big pile of suck for most all of my friends.
So I've decided that from here on out..I'm skipping those months entirely..they're stricken from my calendar and replaced by only the good bits that are left over from the suck pile....this new multimonth is known simply as Julember. It will be a time to contemplate fireflies, flowers and your navel...and growth will only occur in things like hair, love, peace, tolerance and fingernails and will be uncomplicated and beautiful.
There will be no more character building durning these months..its simply far too hot to build character...it'll just melt any way.
I spent my Sunday wandering around Little Fivepoints with Blithe Spirit, a friend who was visiting from out of town. I walked and sweated far more than was healthy and the day turned passing strange.
I'd had a fall yesterday that popped my hip out and left me with some astonishingly colorful bruises so I ended up sitting in the park and watching the people go by while Blithe wandered into and out of the shops looking at trinkets and buying relationship end cleansing candles.
The day once again illustrated that I am ...flypaper for freaks.An amazing assortment of people wandered up and started conversations with me. One very nice missionary type thought since I was sitting on a park bench in companionable silence with a street busker (he was taking a rest between sets) that I simply HAD to be homeless and she came over and tried to give me suggestions where I could go to find shelter and such. Now I wasn't ragged or ratty...I was clean albeit sweaty and well dressed (albeit somewhat eccentrically - 3/4th length sleeved shirt and an ankle tribal print jumper - the shirt because I'm dayglo' white and can't expose myself to direct sun without risking flaming up)and I'm FAR too well fed to be street folk. I let her ramble on for a bit..then begged her pardon long enough to answer my phone.Which startled her a bit.. After she listened to one side of the conversation ( "Hey you! No...we're in Little 5 taking in the sites... we're planning on either hitting Geisha house (upscale sushi bar) or finding some kind of asian..but first I need to go home, shower and change, I'm ripe enough to convice some folks that I'm homeless rather than just another grubby artist")
the lightbulb went on above her head and she started blushing and stammering.
I grinned and winked, she vanished.
Blithe came back in time to meet my next attraction....a very well lubbed fellow who insisted on helping me walk to the tattoo parlor (Blithe was looking at break up tattoos.) then hung around quite some time...trying to panhandle and giving way too many compliments for comfort. Its been a long time since anyone told me that I was beautiful with such incredible sincerity. It made me sad.
We ended up wandering back to the house for much needed cooling down and showers before going back into the city proper for dinner at Grand China.
Fresh bao and wakame salad and basil rolls...yum.
Of course dinner came with a side of "what the fuck?!" and "damn it's a small world"
Blithe was suddenly struck by the fact that the Meadowlark everyone has been mentioning she looks like was one and the same with the Meadowlark that her ex husband dated, had a huge crush on and made a film about. Poor baby looked like someone had poked her in the gut with a taser.
there are days when it's an insanely tiny universe and days when it's just ...insane.
today was a bit of both.
I sit here finding myself knowing that I'm where I currently am for some higher reason....I'm not sure what it is yet..but I feel it headed my way. That scares me. alot
I also find myself knowing that the odds of my finding love again in this turn of the wheel are pretty much non-existant. and that saddens me...it also makes me acheingly lonely. I mourn for the children that I never had...for the love that I never truly had...and ache for the touch of someone who genuinely wants me - and I question if I've ever truly had that..and I envy those who do.and I question why? am I not worthy? why others and not me? I don't get any answers aside from 'it's needed and it will make you stronger'
great... more fuckin' character building.
Honestly powers that be... could you cut a girl some slack? I really am quite a character already... Honest.