Affirmation Saturday

my power today lies in change. I am quick, sharp, and ready for assertive, revolutionary or affirmative action. I overcome obstacles or resolve conflict by getting right to the point, cutting to the chase or confronting challenges head on -- even if this means going against the grain. My communication, style or expectation is on the cutting edge and relies on reason or facts. It is my honor to protect and defend my perception of truth. I measure twice and cut once. I am empowered by expectation or duty and my virtue is commitment to the greater good."

Dear Santa.......

Oh......I .....want one!

Best Toy Ever!

and I swear Santa..if you bring me one I will be very good forever after.......unless of course you would prefer that I be BAD.


For one of those I could be so very very bad! you have NO idea.

I am amused...

I got this from a potential client this morning.

Hi Miss Behavin,

Thanks for bidding on my project. Can you send me or link to a couple of samples of your work? I have been on TM's site (I didn't realize you were with them) but I gather that is a collection of artists.

Thanks!
-- Author of book who needs a cover artist.


(SNERK!)

I'm a collection....who knew?
but.........this means the website is actually getting traffic. WOOT!

To sleep ...perchance to remain pleasantly dreamless

Okay so I'm butchering the bard. It's been done worse.
Long week this week. long weekend ahead.

Today was a very very strange day. Finished up the mondo catalog.
talked to The Brit twice - got stern orders to sleep at least 5 hours a night for the next  few nights and was made promise I'd follow orders. so as soon as my uploads are done I'm heading to bed with a book. It's funny after all this time he still frets and bosses.



Got a couple of nice client notes and projects in the hopper. Next week looks like it's going to be crazy busy - which is fine. Work is something I excell at.

Didn't get a chance to touch base with The Professor and see how he was doing. The second and third days after surgery are usually the toughest. I'll have to check in on him tomorrow. Late last night he was widgeting up bracelet designs - very pretty. I think he's bored with the lack of activity he's had to endure lately.
If anyone has some good movie/tvshow/book/music suggestions for a one armed geek/metal worker please post em..he reads the blog.


Got plans in the works for doing a house filk/ceallaigh the second saturday in july.  Should be fun.Cross all of your crossables that the next couple of months will go well.

The War Of The West End

I live in a real neighborhood...a bit heavy on the hood at times but people are definitely neighbors here.

We sit on our front porches and talk to one another when the evenings are nice.

One young fellow who's just moved in has made it his mission to mow every lawn on the street...these are big southern yards and he mows them for gas money.

Almost all of us have planted some kind of veggie garden. We lean on the fences and ask about the kids etc.

I like it here it's a very culturally diverse neighborhood.
We have our lesbian couple, the elderly lady who used to teach piano, the nice extended Jamaican family,
the single mom with two teens who're bright, kind spirited souls with great futures - they're going to change the world. A number of young couples with kids and single folks  - most everyone is hardworking and honest. Everyone waves or says hello when they see you out and around.

A bit over two months ago a new neighbor moved in ....you'll remember them from  my Happy Frickin Easter post. After two weeks of polite requests from the neighborhood to please quiet down after two AM things got notched up - the police were out just about every night.
They'd quiet down while the cops were here then crank up louder than ever once they'd left.

We were beginning to look like the living dead as we shuffled around our lawns and went about our daily business.

Porch meetings began to happen. It was war. There was talk of gas cans and matches from the young mother with the newborn but that was just her hormones talking. The police weren't having any affect. So we decided to fight back in our own way.

When they partied til dawn... an hour or so after their guests had dragged home the neighborhood struck back.

Lawns were mowed...all manner of weedwhacker and noise maker was used outside. Lots of hammering happened. The Jamaicans know some steel drum players....they really felt the sudden urge to come over and  practice al-freso (they rocked!). The neighborhood was introduced to Bach, 7 Nations, Alexander James Adams  and Hayseed Dixie (and they didn't lynch me),
The formerly quiet conversations had to be shouted because evidently we're all going a mite hard of hearing....
 Funny how sleep deprivation causes hearing loss even when you're less than a foot away from the other person.

Garbage cans were banged.... a couple of folks actually went out and bought big old fashioned metal cans for just that purpose.

The Elijah Baptist gospel choir came out and practiced  on their choir directors front lawn with very pointed gusto.

We cooked out (hey if you've spent a hard night smokin and partying the aroma of good food might just pry your eyes back open)... and we didn't invite them to share.

We sugared the kids up and turned them loose with water balloons and noisy toys.

The partiers...looking much like zombies packed up various SUVs and a moving van the other day.
Evidently the frantic daytime pace was just too much for their nerves.



Viva La Revolution!

All work and no play...makes Jack a dull boy.....

and it turns Jill in to a real bitch too.

Normally I give good advice and try to slant it towards the side of kindness but not so much right now.

A wee sample cut from a conversation.

" I can't believe she even suggested such a thing would be possible..obviously she doesnt know you very well which is a damned shame"

"She thinks I'm a terrible Dad"

"Oh....Real-ly? that's B.S..... You're not, you're a very good father. Next time you take the kids back to the Twunt, stop and buy em both a can of redbull and a big bag of candy for the ride home"

Person who I gave that advice to..please ignore it. Never ever ever use the children to punish your ex it's just wrong.
The kids should be loved not treated like game pieces.

No cookie for me for even suggesting such a thing (even though it did make you laugh).

Soul weary.

There's a painting in the phrase some where, just scratching to get out.

I'm up pulling another all-nighter.  I'm doing that hamster on a wheel thing again..running full out.


You'd think someone who works as much as I do would have a much more lavish life but nope....I'm pretty basic.

Tons of food for thought the past few weeks not much of it worth sharing.

Right now I'm procrastinating. I just needed to stop with the work for a little bit and do something different. so I'm writing.


Talked to The Brit a couple of times this week. He's working on getting his balance back after setting up house. It's a huge adjustment  but honestly he sounds more like his self now than he did when he popped back up into my life. He doesn't sound as beaten. ...still a bit bruised but not beaten down any more. I'm cheering for him. My heart used to ache every time we talked because he didn't have his dreams. He always sounded so very lost... Now he's ....slowly coming back and is kind of amazed by how people are noticing the return of the person that he used to be.

Been talking to Cameron a bit too. I'm VERY proud of him and Grace for hanging in there through some tough times.  There's more ahead it's a long damned road but worth the journey. We talked earlier tonight about his plans for a GBLT themed show - bouncing painting concepts around. it's going to be gut wrenching and powerful. Some of the imagery made me cringe and choke up. sure sign of good art..it moves you to reaction.

Can't wait to see it.

I'll probably cry but still it's going to be amazing.

I've been nattering back and forth with a new friend over the past week or so. He's converting an RV into a steampunk "airship" ...how cool is that? It's been fun getting my steampunk -geek on.  The talks over the upholstery and such spawned a couple of painting and story notions So Thanks ...hmmm what shall I call him... Ah...The Professor. That works.


I'm not in the best head space at the moment. The past couple of months have been very wearing. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels lifewise...I run full bore about 20 hours a day and never seem to go anywhere. I'm not really sure what else I should do. Prayer happens. God and I have a lot of talks..well..I whine..he listens.
 I'm just not where I want to be and I'm not sure how to get there from here.

There are times when it seems like my wants and needs are just too...complicated but when I write them down they seem so very simple almost pathetic really

1- to love and be loved in return. - I've got that...I'm loved by my friends. and I love them back but it's just not enough. Which makes me feel ungrateful and greedy. I also spend a lot of time wondering why? Am I not lovable? what if I'm not? am I really *that* grotesque?...what if I am? Can I fix me? is it too late?

2- to have a family of my own- that's not going to happen. I mean..not in the way that I would have liked it to. I have a family...just not the kind I wanted. I wanted the whole kids and a home thing.  The only time I really ever get angry at the Ex is when I think about what staying with him cost me. It cost me the chance to have a family of my own.  I left him over 10 years ago...so there was some time...but I feel like kids need two parents and I did get pregnant early in that time..but miscarried. I still feel that loss and emptiness so sharply that some days it's like it just happened. There are times when it makes my move here to the big peach feel like an epic fail. All of my friends here have children.  I'm surrounded. I make a great "Aunt MissBehavin"  but there are times when I have to get away from them. I feel myself becoming a hermit between that and the cane going out is becoming increasingly more painful for me. It's much easier to stay in and work.

3 - to be financially secure. Last month was horrible. It left me wondering if I was going to end up designing from a box under a bridge. things are slowly picking up again but ...damn it's like a every time I claw my way up I  find out that the hole just keeps going.  I'm tired.




Speaking of work...time to get back to it my wheel is waiting...

I got a round Tuit

I finally got off my lazy butt this weekend and did something that's needed doing for some time.
I put together a website for my work so I can refer people to it without having to flood them with files when they ask to see samples of my work. It reminded me again of how much I LOATHE doing website design by template and helped bolster my resolve to learn things like HTML, Java and Flash.
Check it out...it doesn't utterly suck.

My Website

I also did a flyer for the Browncoat Ball - here it is..print out copies and post em up in your local game and bookstores or other suspected Browncoat watering holes. Xei Xei Ni.

Also decided to kind of go Union....

I couldn't say it any better...

Thursday Affirmation

My power today lies in change. I am quick, sharp, and ready for assertive, revolutionary or affirmative action. I overcome obstacles or resolve conflict by getting right to the point, cutting to the chase or confronting challenges head on -- even if this means going against the grain. My communication, style or expectation is on the cutting edge and relies on reason, design, the latest craze or facts. It is my honor to protect and defend my perception of truth. I measure twice and cut once. I am empowered by expectation or duty and my virtue is commitment to the greater good.


Part of my affirmative action this week has been revamping my portfolio here's a peek so far.

bleh.....

Got no affirmations today..only bleh. Business has been pretty craptastic this month so I'm having a hard time refinding my positive.

Paying clients have been sparse - notice I didn't say clients......got them..just been royally stiffed by several for the first time so my milk of human kindness is all curdled up at the moment.

Monday Affirmation - because it was a hectic weekend and I was slack

My power today lies in opportunity. I lay it on the line, take a chance, and look for signs of positive encouragement. I am open to new worlds and am actively patient in expanding my connections, increasing my standing, without just waiting for my ""ship to come in."   If I can't get to the party, I will bring the party to me. I am empowered by a sense of responsibility and a readiness to believe and receive and I transform through creative resourcefulness."